Bangalore Liv-In : Spice Garden

Spice Garden, Bangalore I’m writing this because I’m stuck between anger, grief, and self-doubt, and I don’t trust my own judgment anymore. I was in a live-in relationship for over four years. I genuinely believed we were building something stable and equal. I respect that women have needs, emotional and sexual, and I’ve always tried to hold space for that without policing or entitlement. That belief hasn’t changed, even now. Recently, I found out my partner had an ongoing sexual and emotional relationship with a senior from her workplace. It wasn’t brief. It went on for more than a year. I did go through her phone. I won’t dress that up. I was suspicious, and I crossed a line. What I found confirmed what my body already knew. Messages, plans, hotel stays. And then there was more. I discovered a separate phone I didn’t know existed, with sexual roleplay between them. That part shook me deeply. I’m ashamed to admit how stunned I felt seeing it, not because sex or desire offends me, but because it made the parallel life unmistakable. When I confronted her, everything inverted. I was labelled controlling, misogynistic, narcissistic, and an abuser. The betrayal became her private life. My hurt became the problem. When she decided to leave, I broke down. I cried and begged. Not to control her, but because four years suddenly felt like they had been erased without ceremony. I’m trying to hold two truths without collapsing into resentment. Women have needs and autonomy. And long-term deception wounds something fundamental. I don’t want to weaponise feminism to excuse pain, and I don’t want my pain to turn me into someone punitive or small. I’m asking for moral guidance, not validation. Was I wrong to look when my instincts were right? Does a violation of privacy outweigh a sustained sexual betrayal? How do you honour women’s needs while also honouring your own dignity? What does a decent response look like when trust dissolves overnight? I don’t want to hate her. I don’t want to harden myself against women or against intimacy. I want to leave this without bitterness, without rewriting myself into someone I don’t recognise. Any perspective would help.